One night with her

The winter was still yet to ripen. I could feel goosebumps poking through my skins as the wind found its way towards my arms. I tried zipping up my jacket but the chain on my jacket wasn't working.  The chilly winds of November night were squeezing in as I clutched the chain of the jacket trying to bar the flow of winds.

She was walking slowly beside me as if her leg had wounded after a long marathon. She was always a fast walker. I , practically, had to run to pace with her walking. She had a very long leg, for a girl her size. But that night was different. If I could manipulate time, I would have paused the night and run it in slow motion. I wanted to savor every step we took before we , again, departed. She probably felt the same.

"It's getting cold, no?", She broke the silence. 

"Yeah, I kinda regret rushing. I brought my old jacket, the zip doesn't even work."

"Oh! sorry. umm... you could return, if you want, you know?"

"No, it's okay. I want to be here.", I gave a smile. I hoped she saw.

The  sky was dark, yet the street was lit up dimly enough to let us walk. The festival of light (Tihar) had ended just the day before, so those decorative lights were still blinking on some houses. Even with that light, I could see how pretty she was or rather that's how I felt I saw her. That long leg supporting her small body, That beautiful hair falling all the way down to her curves, That shy smile and Those eyes.. There was something about it. She had brown eyes, nothing out of the ordinary but I knew, If I just saw even one of them I would recognize that it belonged to her. There was something mysteriously unique about her eyes that attracted me to her.

We had a long silence. I could hear her breathe over the sound of our footsteps. Our breaths were in sync as we walked closely side by side, our hands merely trying to touch the other. I could feel the gentle warmth of her hand radiating across mine and I was fighting the urge to just grab her hand, stop her there and say, “I want you!”. We were about to reach her home and we haven’t exchanged any words for a long time now. So, I took a long breath, breaking our sync, trying to muster the courage to say…. “Will you hold my hand”, she asked before I was even trying to make up some words to utter. 

I grabbed her hand without thinking anything else. Our fingers interlocked so perfectly as if they were meant for each other. I could hear her sigh as if in relief. We were swaying our hands in perfect harmony before we realized we were at the junction; one leading to her home and the other to a park. 

We stood there, holding hands, looking at one another. I brushed a lock of hair out of her face, tugged neatly behind her ear and cupped her cheek with my palm. She closed her eyes and tilted her neck to feel the warmth of my hand as she slowly rubbed her cheek against my palm. I moved my hand to the back of her neck and grabbed her by the neck and pulled her towards me. I released her hand and grabbed her by the waist, our body pushing against one another and her heartbeat vibrating on my body. I looked down at her face, her eyes closed, her breath increasing rapidly, her lips looking juicer, I gently laid my lips down to her forehead.

Damn it! Cursing myself mentally, I released her waist and grabbed her head instead as I kissed her forehead. She let out a huge sigh, probably out of disappointment as I staggered back from her. 

“Wanna go for a walk?”, I spoke pointing my head towards the park. 

It was about 11PM and was getting colder. My jacket wasn’t defending me, still I was trying to soldier through. She took my hand to hers and we walked. She started smirking as she said, “You know, I’ve gotten better at kissing”. I was such an idiot. Why didn’t I kiss her on her lips? I was embarrassed. I grabbed her hand tightly instead and spoke nothing. 

“You know, Ethan is getting married, or at least he said he wanted to?” I said

“What? With who?”

“I don’t know, a girl he met on facebook , probably.”

“Oh, my god!”, she started laughing.

“I suggested him not to, and he says that he too doesn't really want to get married but really wants to….you know..”

“Fuck? That he could do without getting married”, she scoffed.“I told him so but the girl has some problems may be”“I can understand.”

We sat on a bench in the park.  A white bulb was hung on a tall bamboo nearby, illuminating the surroundings. There were some flowers on the other side of the bench.  And behind the bench were some trees and unmanaged bushes while the grass beneath was recently mowed. The sound of the Erling river flowing just some yards west to the park was soothing. Near the bench was a huge boulder about 3m tall and diameter of about 800m.

“Will you miss me?”, she asked. “Of course, silly.” I pulled her closer to me, our hands still together.

“How is she?”“Who?”, I asked, though knowing who she meant.“Your girlfriend.”, she pursed her lips and waited for me to answer.

“She is alright”, I didn’t want to have a conversation about her at the moment. 

“I am happy, you know, for you. I don’t want to be in between you guys, but.. I just don’t know. I am not asking you to leave her. I don’t know how I feel.”

I wanted to steer away from this conversation, so I didn’t speak anything.Instead,  I hugged her and pulled her towards my chest. I knew what she meant and I did understand her. 

“Can you be with me?”, she pushed herself from my body and spoke selfishly. I was dumbstruck, though I knew she knew my answer. “You know, I will always be there. Just ask me, and I will come running to you, no matter where I am and who I am with. I just want you.”, she said after she realised that I wasn’t gonna speak. 

“I missed you so much. I remember how you made me feel everyday. I don’t have any friends, I have secluded myself from this world, maybe that’s why I need you. You’ve always inspired me, always been there for me. I love you and I should have never let you gone.”, she kept talking. 

I didn’t want to speak, though inside me words were boiling and were eager to erupt out of me. I stood up, trying to control myself and walked away. She came closer to me and held my hand and looked at my eyes and said, “I know you love me, and I don’t…” I grabbed her by her neck before she could even finish her sentence and pushed her to the boulder and with rage looked at her eyes as I strangled her. She was scared, I could see that in her eyes. That push might have hurt her head. But I was apathetic, all I wanted to do was bite her lips and throw myself on her body. She started to choke and pushed me. Then, I released her neck just to grab her hands and briskly pushed my lips to hers. 

I spread her hands to the boulder. The boulder was wet and it felt kinda spongy but I didn’t care. I just bit her lips and threw my body at her. “Hey!”, someone screamed from behind. I jumped and I looked back to see the guard of the park running towards us. I immediately grabbed her hand and ran from there, wishing he didn’t recognize us. 

We reached the junction and started laughing. 

“Did he recognize us?”, I asked, still laughing. “How would I know? My eyes were closed.”, she responded, her tone dropping down on last words. “Umm.. Sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

She grew serious and asked in a passionate tone, “Did you want it?” and bit her lower lips. I licked my lips and nodded. “Then don’t apologize.”, she spoke softly. 

It was already midnight. We walked silently towards her house. I was playfully rubbing my finger against her hand. God, I wanted more. I was resisting my impulse to have her right there right then. But it was getting late.